Diary of A Christian Law Lady

The buses took quite a long time to begin operations today and it was a bonus for Dozie who had been at the station since 5 a.m. He had spent the past hour playing out what it would feel like to finally see mama after 6 years, to him it felt like a lifetime since he had seen mama. The last time mama had a very hopeful look. Her child was soon going to be great. However, for him, it was a mixture of fear and uncertainties. If mama had known the truth he was sure that all the hope she had in her eyes would fade away like smoke. 

However, today was different. Mama must have been extra careful with her prayers because in the few years he stayed in Lagos, he had gotten His masters in Business Administration and was financially independent. Dozie remembered the circumstances that preceded his departure to Lagos. 

Growing up, he had always been an extra clingy child but after he completed his tertiary education and he kept on hanging around Mama in Nsukka, she knew it was time to help him thrive on his own and made sure he moved to Lagos with the help of her brother. The initial separation felt like a sharp thorn to him but as time went by he eventually learnt to live by himself. He could never disregard the fact that only mama’s prayers could have helped him thrive in unimaginable ways. He remembered the nights during his childhood when she would stay up all night praying over him and his sisters and calling their names into great professions. He was sure that if mama had watched as much as she prayed he would have had less pain to struggle with growing up. 

The loud ‘Honk!’ from the bus brought Dozie back to reality. He packed up his luggage and proceeded to get his tickets. It was going to be a long ride home. Long enough to think and drift away with the memories of the past. 

                                                               ** 

“Common! Get dressed and hurry back your mother must be waiting.” 

These were the words Brother Boro had told Dozie that one time he had taken advantage of him. He still couldn’t understand how once a nice man could have brought him all that pain in just a day. All the ‘hellos’ from Brother Boro were just a trap he had never suspected. 

The pain from the incident was not as indelible as the heartbreak it had cost him. It left him clingy to mama all those years and till this present time she never understood why he became distant from every other person and had troubles interacting with the outside world. The trauma stole his trust and he could hardly see people without imagining what evil they were capable of. This gave him the nickname ‘run away’ at the university but no one could have ever realized that what he was running from was permanently stuck with him. One time, a really nice girl had followed him longer than usual trying to start a “Jesus conversation” with him. He stayed silent till she was worn out and took a cue to leave. He met her a few other times but she only smiled, which of course he knew he didn’t deserve at all. 

Dozie’s bus had arrived at Nsukka and he was already asleep till he heard the sound of other buses and traders. He wiped the beads of sweat off his forehead and hurried out of the bus. The bike riders made signals at him and he flagged one down. The bad roads were the core reason why he went on the journey without his car. He felt nostalgic as he mounted the bike. Mama’s clingy child was finally home! 

                                                                                 **

Brenda had to quickly tidy up her room. Her mother had said it would be great to visit Ann when her son arrived and based on family history she and Dozie had known each other till she was about six months and her family moved up North after her father’s promotion. Moving back to Nsukka a year ago was her mother’s idea after her Father’s demise. Thinking about it now the change had been God’s plan all along; she had experienced tremendous growth at her church family and had time to focus more on her career development. Brenda picked up her car keys and rushed out to meet mama who had a stern look on her face. 

“We ought to have been there 30 minutes ago” 

“Sorry, mama!” She said. 

It was her smile that always got mama and mama could never really stay upset at her. She felt really glad, Ann spoke about her son every time she had seen her and there was always a longing in her voice when she spoke. Finally, she would meet Ann’s beloved son! 

                                                                   **

The first thing that caught Dozie’s attention when he arrived home was Brenda’s smile. She wasn’t the first pretty lady he had seen with a smile, but there was something about hers. It was calm and reassuring; like there was a certain peace she knew and he wanted to know her already! Mama’s hugs and songs of joy brought Dozie back to reality. 

“My son!” She hugged him and moved him back as if to check if he truly was before her and pressed him to herself again. 

Dozie was just as happy as she was but said few words. He still couldn’t keep his gaze off Brenda, Mama noticed and made quick introductions. The evening was pleasant, Dozie didn’t speak much but observed the three women as they chatted. He found Brenda to be a very interesting, intelligent and fascinating lady. She exuded an aura of peace like there was some perfect drama script before her and she was having so much fun because nothing would ever go wrong. He had never been one to get really close to people but there was just something about Brenda. With her smile and how comfortable she appeared, he couldn’t wait to know this girl. Dozie walked Brenda over to her car and felt really awkward as they walked in silence.

“You don’t talk so much, do you? ” Brenda’s question caught Dozie off guard but he was glad she broke the silence. 

“No no… I was just a little stressed from my journey” Brenda was smiling already as she patted his back. 

Dozie knew his silence wasn’t going to get him any closer to Brenda as her Mum entered the car. 

“So I was wondering, can you accompany me on a tour around Nsukka sometime next week?” 

“Sure Dozie. Just fix the date and give me a call whenever you are ready… And have a very pleasant night rest.” Dozie watched her get into the car and stood still as she drove off. 

He was sure he had found a friend but just wasn’t sure of how to keep her. 

                                                                                   ** 

The next few days in Nsukka were quite nice for Dozie. He spent most of the time with Mama when she wasn’t at the market where she sold and spent the other afternoons thinking a lot. He fixed a date with Brenda for that weekend and the thought of it sent chills down his spine. He wasn’t sure about what exactly he wanted from her but he was sure that there was so much to her that he wanted to know. Mama had bugged him the previous Sunday to attend church service with her but he outrightly declined. He was sure that he hurt her feelings but he certainly knew that he wasn’t ready to go on any religious journey with her. He did believe there was a God, but he was sure God had more interest and need for some persons than he had for him. He just wanted to live peaceably and make Mama proud. He had never been a fan of mushy feelings and he wasn’t ready to be caught up in a relationship with a man he couldn’t see. Mama’s voice brought him back to reality. 

“What time are you going to see Brenda? ” 

“She’s going to be here in a few minutes mama…” 

“Alright! I’m off to the church I may stay out for a little longer today. Be good. ” 

Dozie heard the door close as Mama stepped out. He felt tense, the last time he saw Brenda she had a lot to say about God but he really didn’t take any of it seriously. But today, it was going to be the both of them alone. No side attractions, movies or ice cream. He wanted to spend time with her and he knew she was a great girl but he definitely didn’t want to get dragged into all that religious stuff. 

The fact that she assumed Christ dying on the cross for him could somehow change the course of things that already happened made things even more complicated. 

“Didn’t Mama also know God? How come all her faith couldn’t help him at that time? ” 

He had gone past the blame game though. He just wanted to know this fascinating lady he had met and didn’t want anything ruining that. The doorbell rang, Brenda had arrived. 

                                                                            ** 

Dozie was dumbstruck. Here was Brenda standing before him and saying things about himself that he had never told anyone. His mind had to be messing with him! 

“Listen Dozie. I understand that you think God failed you and has no interest whatsoever in you but that’s not true. There’s no lying about the fact that you have scars and pains from your childhood but then your present reality is a prove of how much God is mindful of you. There’s a pain in your life, now here’s God offering you all his love only if you’ll just let him help you to heal ” 

Dozie stood, still completely shocked. Brenda was convinced that she wouldn’t be giving up this time. 

“Listen Dozie, it’s this simple. Our world is not without sin that’s why bad things still happen and people can get away with it but when we start playing the blame game we’ll realise that everyone is a victim in this tragedy one way or the other. That’s why God who made us had to step into the situation himself to put a complete end to all the chaos. He came to make us what he truly had in mind when he made us; purposeful humans, living with love as the focus of our lives. He had Jesus come and show us the true way to live. Christ didn’t only show perfection but also sacrifice. He was bruised, bashed, slandered and tormented to death. His blood paid the price for all of humanity’s sin and it takes only believing and receiving to share in this new life. You’re worth that much Dozie and if it was only you that needed salvation Christ would still have given himself for you. You’re as worthy as the blood of Jesus. So stop this Dozie. Stop subjecting yourself to all the pains from your past, stop living below the identity God is offering to you.” 

Dozie was still quiet and staring at her. Her eyes shone with light and were full of convictions as she spoke. God was real to her and he wanted that. 

“Are you fine Dozie? ” 

“Yeah… I want to know Jesus Brenda.” 

“I know, we all do.” Brenda held Dozie’s hands. 

She could tell he was nervous till she broke the silence with her prayers. Dozie stood nodding to every word till he had to repeat the salvation prayer after her.

 “…wash me by your blood and make me whole Lord. I accept you as my saviour.” 

Dozie meant every bit of those words and he felt assured of God’s love. That was the secret Brenda had all along; a knowing of her identity. They held on to each other’s hands. It was going to be the beginning of a beautiful friendship and Dozie felt like getting lost in God’s love for him and admiring Brenda’s flawlessness forever. He now knew his worth in Christ Jesus and soon Brenda would know her worth to him. 

Writer’s Note: Over a year ago, I was at a place where any of us could find ourselves. I wondered why there are innocent victims in the world, why people are living with scars they do not influence, and why people still get punished when they turn out badly based on the circumstances of life. Amidst my thoughts, I was glad I got deep into God’s word too. The truth is, the world may be negative, but there’s rest for our souls away from the negativity in Christ Jesus. If you already know Jesus, make him known and if you do not, it’s time to give yourself a chance at positive living with no regrets! ~Sandra Attoh.

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